Friday, December 30, 2011
I've lived 20 years of my life to find out that everything in my life is a misery.
I've been described as pessimistic, but I'd rather call it pragmatic. It's not surprising why I turned out this way.
Every other thought in my head somehow will have the word 'death' in it and I've got no idea why. In camp, I receive calls from NSman/ (worse still) NSman's wife to complain about the organization I'm currently enslaved to. At home, I'll duly receive my nagging for the day: laughing while watching shows will give me the title of a "crazy" person, while drawing pokemon will receive compliments like "无聊" or descriptions like "my life at home is a waste of time". In fact, I think I'm a waste of life, space and oxygen. (Lol, I've just proven my first sentence of this paragraph.)
What can I say? Life's a real bitch...
I'm sick and I'm in camp. Yet, I'm glad I'm not at home. When I'm finally on my way home, I walked with much dreaded steps. Am I weird? Shouldn't I be happily heading home where I can finally rest? Guess not, when you have a mom like mine. I hate it when I'm sick, not only because of the discomfort, but rather the incessant reprimands I receive from my mom. Is it my fault for getting sick so easily? Is it my fault I came to this world and brought so much trouble for her? She always complains that I don't go to sleep early enough, but does she know that I really can't sleep? She always complains that I'm weak, but does she know that I'm don't enjoy being sick as well? Maybe she thinks I love going for surgeries or staying in hospitals. Maybe she thinks that every human should behave like her; if she doesn't fall sick as often, why should I fall ill so frequently? Well, I'm sorry for not living up to her expectations. I'm sorry for being so "麻烦"(as she likes to put it). I'm sorry I'm still alive...
I don't hate my mom, but she makes it hard not to. I don't know what's with her, but people often compliment her for being so capable of raising such obedient kids. But at what cost? Us "obedient" kids that don't even want to talk to her anymore after we have gained financial independence? My sister has finally reached that stage, and I'm not surprised that my sister totally hates talking to my mom; the amount of time she spent with mom is probably not even 2hrs a week! If you ever thought Kim Jong Il is a tough autocratic leader, wait till you live with my mom.
I've lived more than 20 years of HER life, is it time for me to live it my way?
New Year's Resolutions:Live the way I want!
monono
{7:51 AM }
